Jerry Seinfeld once famously joked that “if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.” In other words, most people would rather be dead than have to speak in front of an audience. According to the Chapman University Survey on American Fears, the percentage of people who fear public speaking is significantly higher than those who fear things like heights, bugs, snakes, flying... and yes, death. If you’re like most people, public speaking is probably a frightening endeavor, one you would rather avoid if given the choice. And yet, it is a necessary skill, in both one’s professional and personal lives. Most jobs require presenting to an audience, and most social interactions require you to communicate with others in a clear and meaningful way.
Therefore it is essential to develop tools to manage your anxiety so that you can effectively communicate your ideas. This will allow you to influence, and even inspire, others with your words. As a clinical psychologist I have counseled many patients through various public speaking fears, and as a former corporate communications coach, I have trained numerous executives on delivering messages in the boardroom and on the big stage.
Regardless of the scenario, a few basic principles will allow you to put forward your best self when communicating with others:
Remember that your audience does not have access to what you are feeling
If your heart is racing, your palms are sweating, and you have a pit in your stomach, only you know that. The people to whom you are communicating only see what you give them. So if they see a poised individual with an upright posture, confident voice, and direct eye contact, that is how they will judge you....regardless of the butterflies flying around in your stomach. As I often tell my clients, don’t worry about those butterflies-- just make sure they're flying in formation. In fact, the physiological sensations that we experience as a result of anxiety are the same sensations we experience when we are excited. So channel that energy into your presentation and give your audience the best version of yourself.
One note on physical manifestations of anxiety: sometimes (though very rarely) it is fairly obvious that your body is responding in a way that you wish it weren’t. Say, for example, that your face gets beet red every time you get in front of an audience. Most of the time I suggest ignoring it and focusing the audience’s attention on your message. But if it is very obvious and you don’t want it to be distracting, sometimes it’s helpful to just call it out in a very casual manner. It could sound something like, “Yes, my face is doing its thing and flushing up. But that’s not what I came here to talk to you about...” and continue on with your message. The less of a big deal you make it, the less your audience will focus on it.
Identify and restructure irrational beliefs about public speaking
When we are feeling anxious or nervous, it is usually our thoughts and perceptions that are driving the bus. All too often these beliefs are negative and not grounded in reality. So it’s up to you to reframe these cognitions so you are perceiving yourself and your situation in a rational manner. Doing so will allow you to feel more confident when communicating with others. Here are a few cognitive biases related to public speaking, and how you can restructure them:
Fortunetelling:
When thinking about an upcoming presentation or talk, many people predict it will be a colossal failure. They are so confident in this belief that they can almost hear the audience laughing at them and picture themselves walking away in embarrassment. They tell their co-workers how badly it’s going to go and can barely sleep the night before. They make these predictions without having any evidence to support this belief...and without actually having the imaginary superpower to predict the future. It is imperative to keep in mind that just because a negative outcome is possible, it doesn’t mean it is probable. In fact, most presentations and speeches go off without a hitch; some are even surprisingly captivating and inspiring. If you are familiar with your content and have practiced presenting your message, chances are things will go at least better than you predict. So the next time you hear yourself saying “I’m going to be terrible,” identify this cognitive distortion as fortunetelling. Reframe this thinking by giving yourself a pep talk focused on the potential for a positive outcome. You will likely be surprised by how this new outlook affects your performance.
Mindreading:
Another imaginary superpower we do not possess is the ability to read minds. We have no idea what other people are actually thinking of us. But we say things to ourselves like, “They think I’m an awful communicator” without having solid evidence to suggest this. We overestimate how closely our audience is nitpicking everything we say, when in actuality they are not hyper-focused on the minutiae of the presentation. In fact, if they are also tasked with having to present in the same meeting or panel, they are most likely focused more on themselves, not you. And if they are judging you, their assessment is most certainly not as negative as you imagine. This mindreading is likely a projection of your own fears, not how others are actually perceiving you. Like most of us, you are your worst critic. Remember this the next time you find yourself attempting to mindread how your audience is taking in your presentation.
All-or-Nothing Thinking:
When we think in all-or-nothing terms, we see things as binary. Something is either good or bad. It’s perfect or awful. When we apply this way of thinking to public speaking, we say things like, “If I don’t nail this, it will be a complete bust.” Rationally, there’s a lot of space between “nailed it” and “bombed it” on the spectrum of how well one performs. Just because something isn’t 100% incredible, it doesn’t mean it was a complete waste of time. Remember that your goal isn’t to be perfect. While it’s nice to strive for greatness, it’s important to recognize and celebrate the small wins when presenting to others.
Practice, practice, practice
Remember what your mom always told you is the fastest way to Carnegie Hall? That’s right--there is no substitution for practice. If you have a big presentation coming up at work or are making the toast at your best friend’s wedding, don’t wait until the event to first hear yourself utter the words. Practice not only the words themselves, but also how you look and sound when saying them. Practice in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend or colleague. Ideally, video record yourself on your phone or ipad so that you can watch it over and give yourself feedback. What are you doing well that you would like to continue doing? What are some areas of improvement-- are you using too many filler words (“um,” “like,” “you know”)? Are you looking down too much? Are you swinging your arms in a distracting manner? You will never really know unless you see it for yourself. While it might feel like a particular brand of torture to watch yourself on video, I promise that the benefits of this exercise will far outweigh the discomfort of seeing and hearing yourself on playback. Repeatedly practicing your speech will also have the added benefit of allowing you to habituate to the fear associated with public speaking. It is a well-known principle in cognitive-behavioral therapy that the more you engage with an anxiety-provoking stimulus, the less scary it becomes. So create your content ahead of time so that you will have ample opportunity to practice your speech or presentation until it feels like second nature.
Even if you are “not a talker” and, like Seinfeld said, you would rather be in a cedar box than have a microphone in your hand, public speaking doesn’t have to be the bane of your existence. Following the above guidelines will help you to be a more confident and skilled public speaker. And who knows--perhaps one day you’ll actually enjoy it enough to volunteer to present at your next team meeting.
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